I am the type of person who only wants to do something if I can do it well. Yes, it's called perfectionism, performance-orientation, etc. The Creator must have known what he was doing when he created me as an artist. Of course perhaps we are all artist's and all of us scared to get messy and be bad before we can be good. Either way, I have a feeling that despite my fears, the Creator planted stronger desires within me to get messy. I am feeling them now even though I'm still scared to move forward. That's where I am.
My copy of The Artist's Way is marked and highlighted, at least through the second chapter. I tried doing this study on my own last year and I wasn't successful. I know there are a few in our group that are dragging their paws. Some have just tucked tail and are running away. It is tough to acknowledge the hunger within to be the person we were created to be. If that's you, I encourage you to come back and dive in...right where you are. As the author, Julia Cameron says, "Progress, not perfection, is what we should be asking of ourselves."
Before anything will change, I first have to admit where I am. The truth is, I've gotten stagnant once again. I written glorious new beginnings galore since becoming a blogger. It seems again and again I've failed to live up to my standards.
This week I was reminded that this study is for me. Nobody is grading me. No-one is looking to see if I've fallen. There's just me and it's time to start noticing my achievements rather than my failures. So, what have I done this week?
Well, I did do my morning pages on three separate days. I admit, I am not the type that loves to do them. Although, like last year, I am quickly coming to value them. It really helps to get the junk out of my head. Imagine all of those words swirling around in my brain like a clogged drain. That's what my mind has been like.
Technically I did not go on my artist date this week. My husband and I share a vehicle and so it's hard to get out and about. However, since I am focusing on retelling positive things I can say that I did spend a few hours tanning in the backyard. I felt spoiled but it was worth it! It was also nice to just not think for awhile. The dogs ran around and I ate a delicious Fuji apple. It was perfect!
My recovery has begun...again. Rather than hiding from what I love to do, I'm ready to be present once again. Rather than living as a shadow artist, I know that I can nurture myself. Rather than being safely blocked, I want to be free to speak. What say you?